Have you ever given up????

I almost gave up my teaching course at IIUM way back in 1988/89 .

I had completed all on campus courses and I then started my practical teaching starting from January 89 to April 89 at a religious secondary school somewhere in Perak . It was all doing fine , as usual I as an active fresh oversea graduate , enjoyed teaching even if it was we paid to teach and not we were paid to teach ( no allowance whatsoever given , we paid the tuition fees which included the practical ) . That's fine. Nobody seemed to bother about money . We forked out whatever we had . Alhamdulillah my hubby had just started his first job with Petronas in Kerteh , so at least I had my darling to help me financed my AVA (audio visual aid ) or alat bantu mengajar which we must prepare daily.

In February I started to feel 'sick'... morning sickness to be exact with my 3rd child . I spent one week holiday in Kerteh in December... oh lala... maya is from Kerteh....

As I mentioned before in my previous entry I was a different person whenever I got pregnant. I couldn't concentrate teaching any longer , I vomitted so many times and I had even threw up in the drain outside the class , in the dust bin, on the grass and there were a few times I could'nt even stand up teaching, I sat on the chair with the fan in full speed right above me. Almost all teachers and students realized that I'd changed , from extremely active to extremely passive .

I was feeling guilty because I couldn't deliver my best. I started thinking to give up... just 2 more months to grab a diploma in teaching, I didn't have any guts to continue.... The peak was when I was given a B by an ex-RMC Principal who happened to be my teaching /visiting supervisor . When he visited me that day , with a single B out of many other As for sure I couldn't get A for my practical and I couldn't accept any other than A . That day I didn't prepare any AVA since I wanted to prove that the students could be taught without any AVA , at least for that very day and it was an unlucky day because my supervisor came that day ( he just came whenever he liked, it was like a spot check ) . Before he left as usual he showed me my grade for that particular day, a B . I was very weak that day and this was what I said to him..

" Sir, I disagree you gave me B, this is the first time that I use textbook for teaching, you should have come yesterday where I prepared a lot of AVAs , please don't give me B. " as I was saying this my tears rolled down my cheeks.

Was he influenced by my words and tears ????

Nope, the grade maintained as it was... with that B , I only managed to scored A- for my practical teaching .

After getting that B, I was very sure that I wanted to give up and I told my darling but I couldn't open my mouth to tell my parents who at that time were taking care of my two kids . My hubby didn't mind if I quit since he knew and understood my condition but at the same time he also wanted me to finish my course since that's what I really wanted to do.. I wanted to be a teacher, and it was less than 2 months to graduate.

Thank God, even with so much pain and hardship, I managed to be there till the end... one thing I know , that was the only time when I almost gave up which I never thought I would ......

Let's be strong, don't ever give up.... afterall... no pain , no gain....