Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Have you ever given up????

I almost gave up my teaching course at IIUM way back in 1988/89 .

I had completed all on campus courses and I then started my practical teaching starting from January 89 to April 89 at a religious secondary school somewhere in Perak . It was all doing fine , as usual I as an active fresh oversea graduate , enjoyed teaching even if it was we paid to teach and not we were paid to teach ( no allowance whatsoever given , we paid the tuition fees which included the practical ) . That's fine. Nobody seemed to bother about money . We forked out whatever we had . Alhamdulillah my hubby had just started his first job with Petronas in Kerteh , so at least I had my darling to help me financed my AVA (audio visual aid ) or alat bantu mengajar which we must prepare daily.

In February I started to feel 'sick'... morning sickness to be exact with my 3rd child . I spent one week holiday in Kerteh in December... oh lala... maya is from Kerteh....

As I mentioned before in my previous entry I was a different person whenever I got pregnant. I couldn't concentrate teaching any longer , I vomitted so many times and I had even threw up in the drain outside the class , in the dust bin, on the grass and there were a few times I could'nt even stand up teaching, I sat on the chair with the fan in full speed right above me. Almost all teachers and students realized that I'd changed , from extremely active to extremely passive .

I was feeling guilty because I couldn't deliver my best. I started thinking to give up... just 2 more months to grab a diploma in teaching, I didn't have any guts to continue.... The peak was when I was given a B by an ex-RMC Principal who happened to be my teaching /visiting supervisor . When he visited me that day , with a single B out of many other As for sure I couldn't get A for my practical and I couldn't accept any other than A . That day I didn't prepare any AVA since I wanted to prove that the students could be taught without any AVA , at least for that very day and it was an unlucky day because my supervisor came that day ( he just came whenever he liked, it was like a spot check ) . Before he left as usual he showed me my grade for that particular day, a B . I was very weak that day and this was what I said to him..

" Sir, I disagree you gave me B, this is the first time that I use textbook for teaching, you should have come yesterday where I prepared a lot of AVAs , please don't give me B. " as I was saying this my tears rolled down my cheeks.

Was he influenced by my words and tears ????

Nope, the grade maintained as it was... with that B , I only managed to scored A- for my practical teaching .

After getting that B, I was very sure that I wanted to give up and I told my darling but I couldn't open my mouth to tell my parents who at that time were taking care of my two kids . My hubby didn't mind if I quit since he knew and understood my condition but at the same time he also wanted me to finish my course since that's what I really wanted to do.. I wanted to be a teacher, and it was less than 2 months to graduate.

Thank God, even with so much pain and hardship, I managed to be there till the end... one thing I know , that was the only time when I almost gave up which I never thought I would ......

Let's be strong, don't ever give up.... afterall... no pain , no gain....

20 comments:

suealeen said...

for the question, yes is the answer. few things. ada jugak yang hampir given up. but one thing for sure, they thought me about being tougher and have more patience to face them.

D said...

hidup cikgu!!! Hehehe.. mana boleh give up kak... tu maknanya cetek iman. Kita kan kena tawakkal: Allah membantu kita, tak kira bila dan di mana.

Never say never!

OndeOnde said...

ya kak!
I also went thru series of life phases to the point of giving up but Alhamdulillah, I don't!!!

Ujian Allah semuanya tu, kalau kita sabar insyaAllah pasti ada ganjaran!!!

Raden Galoh said...

Way to go akak...Semangat yg beginilah yg menjadi sumber inspirasi saya...

Setiap kesukaran pasti Allah beri jalan peneyelesaian kan...

jadi cikgu juga akhirnya kan?

silversarina said...

suealeen,

I guess whenever we feel like giving up,we'd better check ourselves , go for the positive outcome .



d,

Memang akak masa tu dah tak larat lagi.... ingat pada pengorbanan parents je yang buat akak kuatkan semangat walaupun berendam airmata masa tu .



ondeonde,

Bila kita rasa down sangat dan macam dah malas nak berindak apa-apa , memang perasaan nak give up membuak-buak.. tapi bila ingat masih ramai yang lebih teruk dari kita tapi masih boleh teruskan hidup buat kita kembali cekal , Alhamdulillah.

silversarina said...

raden galoh,

Jadi jugak cikgu walaupun tak lama sebab lepas tu nak jadi fulltime housewife and mother , tapi masih jadi guru untuk anak-anak dan anak-anak jiran , pekerja2 swasta dan remaja ...

Akak yang patut tabik dengan ketabahan Dalilah dalam mengharungi segala ujian Allah.

Neeza Shahril said...

Itu pasal la neeza tak nak jadi cikgu.. nak kena prepare AVA tu.. Neeza suka buat benda suka hati sikit hehehe
at least Kak Rina berjaya juga jadi cikgu yang baik.. walaupun penuh dengan cabaran dengan diri sendiri..

silversarina said...

neeza,

Masa praktikal setiap hari kena sediakan AVA tu , dahlah tak cukup masa , kos nya lagi ... entah apa-apa , memang susah jadi cikgu, tapi sebab minat, teruskan jugak sampai habis ... lagipun masa tu JPA dah lepaskan akak sebab tak de keje masa tu, akak pun syukur sebab dapat jadi cikgu .

Masih akak ingat macamana coursemates yang lelaki bujang , tercengang tengok akak muntah dalam bilik guru .. siap diaorang tanya kawan2 pompuan yang Raja ni pregnant ke... ingat semula.. kelakar pulak, masa tu tak kira dah, asalkan tak muntah atas buku masa mengajar sudah....hehehe.

Kak Elle said...

cakap2 ni bila nak masuk kelas lagi cikgu oi...budak2 dah besar kan byk free time:)

silversarina said...

kak elle,

Dah masuk dah sejak 3 minggu yg lalu , part time and free of charge .. tu yang busy sikit , lepas gian ngajo...hehehehe.

CikguZue said...

Jadi cikgu selamanye, walau di mana2 dan tiap tika...:)

Kak Elle said...

ye ke ni project yg u kata dulu ke?

silversarina said...

cikguzue,

kalau dah memang minat mengajar memang nak ajar jugak...serupa macam you :)


kak elle,

ha tulah dia nya... :P

KAMATO said...

cikgu tu pekerjaan cukup mulia, besar pahala selagi anak murid menufaat apa yg diajar

cikgu jawe said...

cikgu sarina. hehe

lps ni boleh le jadi cikgu kt cucu pula.

teringat masa praktikum. ken atembak bertubi2 dgn pensyarah sbb fail kawal kelas masa observe. hihi.

silversarina said...

kamato,

Itulah yang selalu saya ingatkan pada anak-anak agar sentiasa hormati dan sayangkan guru mereka kerana tanpa didikan mereka siapalah kita.



cikgu jawe,

jadi cikgu pada anak-anak dahlah.... pada cucu tu biarlah cikgu muda yang ajar... akak ni cikgu 'pencen' dah...hehehe.

maklang said...

Terimakaseh..maklang ni kadang2 macam nak give up..kaki ni tak baik2 and bila bangun pagi2, belakang pulak sakit! Ya Allah..sembuhkanlah penyakit hamba mu ini..dan jadikan lah aku manusia yang tabah dan sabar menghadapi ujian Mu...

Cat Cat said...

I agree with you Kak Rina.. When woman gets pregnant, it's amazing how hormone can change her.

silversarina said...

maklang,

Kena tabah sebab bila kita ada wawasan dalam hidup kita kena tahan juga walau apa sahaja ujian melanda.. don't ever give up .



cat cat,


Mungkin orang yang tak alahan teruk tak dapat merasa hati ini bagai nak pecah menahan perasaan nak give up dalam hidup... tapi bila dikuatkan semangat , segalanya dapat diatasi.

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